The Perils of Picturegoing
16mm film Black & White Sound c.1950 6:31
Summary: Fiction film showing the comical trials and tribulations of a dedicated film-goer at the New Regent, Walton, who despite surreal weather conditions and a child dripping ice cream down his back, has the cinematic experience of a lifetime.
Title number: 20580
LSA ID: LSA/27138
Description: Film begins on a busy street in Walton-on-Thames outside the Regent Cinema which boasts “The Finest Films from all Nations”.
A prim and proper man is walking down to find a poster for a Super Panoramic 3-D showing of "Death In The Jungle" starring Montgomery Clotte, Certificate A “It Comes Right At You!”,
the tagline reads "Have a lion in your lap (No Extra Charge)"
Pleased by the film's advertising the man adjusts his tie and heads inside to purchase a ticket while at the same moment a steward is delivering a sign out to the front of the cinema which reads “Please Wait Here 1/9 seats”.
The compliant punter goes to the sign to stand and wait, having a rummage in his pockets for change and still determined, goes back through the doors only to be foiled again by a new sign – “Please Wait Here 2/5 Seats”.
A couple of punters are ushered inside, as the man is left waiting outside, forlornly leaning on the sign. A montage of weather effects demonstrates the passing of time including a minor snow storm and stormy wind.
The man takes his jacket off, and dabs his forehead. He's alarmed to see an unconscious man carried out on a stretcher who we see has been literally speared through his body due to the film's powerfully immersive presentation.
Furtively finding his way to the screen, he's indifferently taken inside and his ticket stub is ripped. When finding his way to the screen, he is startled by torch light.
He stumbles over people (despite the aid of the light) while in search of an available seat.
He poorly places his 3D glasses on, perplexed about whether or not to keep his real specs on underneath. We see he's sandwiched between happily content couples (who are effortlessly wearing their glasses the right way round and enjoying the picture).
A shot of the screen shows the brief blur from his perspective.
A cheeky little boy is noisily eating behind the man to his chagrin.
Another patron is ushered in to the screen, removing his overcoat directly in front of the man's field of view before finally taking his seat.
The inconsiderate man in is now jostling left and right in search of his pipe as -
The boy is cheerfully stuffing his face with food - The man in front continues to'ing and fro'ing for matches, before brusquely motioning to our long-suffering man for one of his. Upon doing so the billowing smoke launches our protagonist into a coughing fit.
The boy unwraps a bubblegum as the man waves his glasses to his face to cool down, dabbing his hair some more and appearing fairly worn out.
The boy having borrowed a lady's hairpin in front, distracted by an affectionate embrace with her beau, abruptly pops his bubble, scaring the man out of his wits.
The boy who is still in the mood to snack, purchases an ice cream from the usherette and drops it straight from the spoon down the back of the man's neck.
The boy cheekily crawls away on the ground, resulting in punters jumping out of their chairs.
The entire audience are now in full and delirious terror, rapidly exiting the cinema,
The man stands alone to clear ice cream off his neck, He is quickly forced out of his stupor to shockingly discover that...he's not alone... A 'lion!' is rather comfortably relaxing in the seat alongside him, with a pair of customised 3D glasses for good measure.
The now petrified man scarpers out of the cinema a the lion casually shrugs off the audience reaction to his presence, and returns back to the film.
Intertitle - The End
Further information: Fiction film made by the Kingston and District Movie Makers Club. Commended by Amateur Cine World Magazine,
Astounding! Colossal! Stupendous!
Keywords: Cine Club; Cinema; comedy; filmgoing; surreal; 3-d
Locations: United Kingdom; England; Surrey; Elmbridge; Walton-on-Thames
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